Yold at Fifty

I am yold.  That's somewhere in the middle of young and old.  Even five years ago I played laser tag with co-workers and went to a dance club and enjoyed both events.  Somewhere in the last five years, I feel that I have aged twenty years.

Not having had children, I lose track of where I should be on the maturity meter.  When I was forty-seven I was relating fairly well with people who were young enough to be my children.  And even though we have each aged five years, the gap grew so wide that I don't feel comfortable any more.  However, when one door closes another opens.  New friendships have blossomed.  Life is full of amazing opportunities for friendship.

Lately I'm panicking about everything I have yet to do.  I want to write a book, travel overseas, learn a foreign language, learn to play the piano, etc., etc., etc.  But I'm too tired to do anything.  By the time I am home from my job, just getting dinner together and a few odds and ends done before bed seems to be a monumental feat.  There is not enough time in the day to do everything.

One thing I am determined not to do is regret my past.  I will not focus on the entire list of goals not reached.  Instead, if I can just accomplish one thing that day, that's good.  I have to realize I have forged a strong marriage.  I worked at my one job for almost twenty years until I was laid off.  Now I have been at my current job for six years already.  While some people would view me and my husband as stuck in a rut, I prefer to look at it as being sure and steady.  We have a house that's paid off and no debt.  We are able to assist family in times of need.  We have good friendships.  A good neighborhood.  Loving family.

For now, I will write.  And thank God for everything He has blessed me with.  And breathe.