Marriage Game Plan

Day one of marriage - you start with all your worldly belongings.  For me, that would be my clothes, a twin bed, a dresser and a yellow, vinyl bean bag chair.  In the olden days, that wouldn't even translate into one goat.  Luckily, he checked my teeth and they were good.

Duties - you share everything.  The grocery shopping, the cleaning, the laundry.  "What do you want to buy for dinner, darling?"  "Whatever you want, sweetie."  Life was grand.  Eventually you split chores.  It's really a matter of saving time.  This way, you have more quality time during those few hours each night after work. 

Then came the house.  Houses are good investments; they are great to come home to; they are the black hole of time, energy and money.  Now duties were divided out of necessity.  We didn't care who did what, but obviously one person couldn't do it all.  I was a fortunate wife in that my husband was a whiz at doing anything and everything.  Cooking?  No problem, he was like Chef Gordon Ramsey.  Yardwork?  Piece of cake.  Finish the basement?  Who needs to hire out when you're married to Bob Vila?

He, on the other hand, did not marry Martha Stewart.  Hem pants?  Hello, there's the tailor.  Prepare a gourmet dinner?  You mean fish sticks and canned peaches aren't considered fine dining?  Ironing was, and still is, my nemesis.  I knew I was in trouble at the beginning when he wanted his socks ironed.  "Your socks ironed? Are you kidding me?"  The first half is hidden under your trousers, part is hidden in the shoe, the rest is about a one inch strip around your ankle so if there any wrinkles, they're stretched like Joan Rivers facelift so wrinkles won't show.  Yeah, the honeymoon was over.

You learn each other's moods, facial expressions, eye tics and throbbing veins on the side of the neck.  These are vital clues to know when to spring the news about how the dog chewed the carpet, that new outfit you bought, your mother is coming for the weekend.

Oh, life can get a little too routine sometimes, but it's sad to see so many throw in the towel before they review the game book.  Eventually, when everyone finds their position on the team and learns the moves, that winning goal is worth the effort.