Ah, - the gynecologist. This can be traumatic for some and non-eventful for others. As a newly married woman going for this visit, I remember this old doctor who talked really loudly. I guess he had to shout in order to be heard because his head was muffled under my dressing gown, but he's going on about "Do you want babies? Tonight's the night if you do." Walls were not thick enough to muffle my mortification. And how could he tell? Were my eggs strutting their stuff singing Donna Summer's "Bad Girls?"
A lot of thought goes into preparing for this date. If I spend too much time getting ready, it looks like I'm seeing someone on the side. Wearing perfume is definitely out. But I want to look like I take care of myself so as I'm in the shower I shave the arm pits because I don't want to look French while he's performing a breast exam. Then I look down and realize I had better shave the legs while I'm at it. When did the big knuckle of my toes get hairy? I don't recall that in high school. My toe nails are gross. I think to myself, "I can keep my socks on during the visit," but realize how foolish it looks to peel all layers of modesty off only to leave my socks on. I probably should have scheduled a pedicure before this visit, but it's too late now so I opt for a hack saw and buffer. Good grief, if I spent half the time getting ready to see my husband each day as I do to see the doc, our love life could be taken to a whole new level.
My real fear is realizing what I've eaten the night before. How many Gas-X can I safely take at one time? The little stool is rolled into position and the doctor suggests to relax my knees. I'm thinking, "buddy, if I relax my knees that little stool is going to be blown backwards, through the wall and into the next examining room." You couldn't pay me enough to be at his end of the table.
When all is said and done, it's great to know I have a clean bill of health for hopefully another year and since I'm all gussied up, I call the hubby and go out for dinner and a real date night.
That HAS to be the funniest thing I ever read!!! :0
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