Marriage Game Plan

Day one of marriage - you start with all your worldly belongings.  For me, that would be my clothes, a twin bed, a dresser and a yellow, vinyl bean bag chair.  In the olden days, that wouldn't even translate into one goat.  Luckily, he checked my teeth and they were good.

Duties - you share everything.  The grocery shopping, the cleaning, the laundry.  "What do you want to buy for dinner, darling?"  "Whatever you want, sweetie."  Life was grand.  Eventually you split chores.  It's really a matter of saving time.  This way, you have more quality time during those few hours each night after work. 

Then came the house.  Houses are good investments; they are great to come home to; they are the black hole of time, energy and money.  Now duties were divided out of necessity.  We didn't care who did what, but obviously one person couldn't do it all.  I was a fortunate wife in that my husband was a whiz at doing anything and everything.  Cooking?  No problem, he was like Chef Gordon Ramsey.  Yardwork?  Piece of cake.  Finish the basement?  Who needs to hire out when you're married to Bob Vila?

He, on the other hand, did not marry Martha Stewart.  Hem pants?  Hello, there's the tailor.  Prepare a gourmet dinner?  You mean fish sticks and canned peaches aren't considered fine dining?  Ironing was, and still is, my nemesis.  I knew I was in trouble at the beginning when he wanted his socks ironed.  "Your socks ironed? Are you kidding me?"  The first half is hidden under your trousers, part is hidden in the shoe, the rest is about a one inch strip around your ankle so if there any wrinkles, they're stretched like Joan Rivers facelift so wrinkles won't show.  Yeah, the honeymoon was over.

You learn each other's moods, facial expressions, eye tics and throbbing veins on the side of the neck.  These are vital clues to know when to spring the news about how the dog chewed the carpet, that new outfit you bought, your mother is coming for the weekend.

Oh, life can get a little too routine sometimes, but it's sad to see so many throw in the towel before they review the game book.  Eventually, when everyone finds their position on the team and learns the moves, that winning goal is worth the effort.

Practice What You Preach

My previous blog was on getting rid of "it" and I am happy to say that even my husband took my admonition to heart and went through all his dresser drawers and filled an entire trash bag with who knows what. It took everything in my power not to go through that bag.

Great strides have been made as the other day when he filled a bag of "stuff", I went into the garbage, retrieved the bag, untied it and went through everything. He actually had some good "stuff" that I really should have donated, but wanted to remain supportive of his good efforts. So I was very proud of myself not to even go through the next day's stuff.

I donate regularly, but somehow can't come to grips with giving up everything. However, if I'm going to type for you to get rid of it, then I must practice what I preach and do better with clearing out the clutter. So why do we keep all of our accumulation? Probably out of guilt. "It was a gift", "it's too expensive to give away", "not even the poor would want THAT shirt", "this isn't being green to toss it". The angel of action hovers over one shoulder and the Satan of selfishness sits on the other. Who will win?

Seeing everything go at once is stressful to me. I have no idea why. I don't want it, don't use it, don't need it and could use the space or the money or the feeling of accomplishment by getting it out of the house. Since it hurts to purge everything at one time, here are some thoughts. Take a garbage bag and go through the house once a month, or every other month. Just fill that one bag and donate it. That way, it doesn't appear to be very much stuff you're giving away.

Pick a good charity. A shelter for battered women, the military, a children's home. That way, it feels good knowing that the money raised can help so many causes. And you can even claim it as a deduction.

My church is having a sale to raise funds for school supplies for the local community. I already have a whole list of things I can give for that. The library in town collects books to raise funds to buy materials for the library so I'm thinking of donating a lot of my books to them.

If the thought of just giving it away hurts, think about using EBay. The girl scout uniform pictured at top of page I was able to sell. At a garage sale I would be lucky to get 50 cents, yet on EBay, someone paid me $14 plus shipping. I have sold piggy banks, and Barbie dolls, too. It has been a lot of fun seeing who all bids on items.

Of course, you can also have a garage sale. For me, that's a lot of work and I don't feel like going through the effort of lugging everything out, pricing it, and sitting out on the drive for two days watching people pick over my possessions. And what's the most I could possibly get? Is it really worth all the effort.

Another garage sales of sorts is craigslist. You can just post one item at a time and when it's convenient for you and the person who wants it, you can set up a time for them to come and buy that item from you.

Another organization if love is recycle.com. You can't charge anything, but you have the satisfaction of knowing that you're not filling a landfill. Not only can you post something you don't want, but you can peruse the list for things you might need. I've seen people looking for little boy's tuxes. What a great idea instead of having to buy something he's only going to use once.

Once you start making a habit of donating regularly, it won't hurt as much and it helps curb the desire to go out and buy more "stuff" that will eventually end up in one of those bags you're giving away.