Tattoo Tea Totaler

Why are tattoos so popular? It was tough people who had them; motorcycle guys, sailors. I'm glad that trend was after my time because you always want to do what's in fashion and I can't imagine what I'd look like now. Let's see, what was popular when I was younger? The smiley face, the peace symbol, phrases like "keep on truckin," and "I can't believe I ate the whole thing." The weight of my triceps pulling down from the biceps would have turned my smiley face into a frown by now and everyone could see that I truly did eat the whole thing. Can you imagine the effects of cellulose? If I had the face of Mork on my thigh, he would look pock marked.

What would you choose that you are so committed to that you want to look at for the rest of your life? Woman are known for their proclivity to change. My husband always wants to buy me Coach purses because you can carry them forever. Who wants to carry the same purse forever? Would I have chosen a person or a phrase on my shoulder? A poignant quote on my neck or a cute cartoon figure on my ankle? You'd be forced to shave or tweety bird would look like he grew a beard. That's the only beauty of winter is that you can wear slacks and not shave for three months.

And wrinkles? Laverne and Shirley's faces would age along with me. Not to mention stretch marks from pregnancy, mid-life weight gain, surgery scars. My billboard of beauty would start looking like a battlefield of blemishes.

Not to say I haven't been tempted. Once on a trip with my best friend, I wanted to commemorate the occasion by getting tattoos. She's like, "can't we just get our photograph taken?" Luckily, I gravitate to people who keep me steady. I still think it would be cute to have something fun tattooed just for the heck of it, but even at fifty, I still can't think what it would be. I suppose something simple like a heart right above the bikini line, but like the Grinch, my small heart, after a holiday meal, would grow three sizes that day.