Have you ever wondered who lays out the various departments in a store? Maybe I never noticed when shopping for Junior sizes, but now that I'm getting close to shopping in the Women's department, I realize that it's always next to Petites. It's hard enough shopping for bigger sizes, but I don't need to see little Miss Size Two shopping across the aisle from me.
If Petites is not across from Women's, then it's generally located near Maternity. Seriously; take a look! You haven't seen your toes in eight months and you have to waddle past undersized ladies shopping for pants that you couldn't shove one thigh into. As if you're not struggling enough with your image already.
And who puts the bras and panties on the main aisle? I could count the number of times I've run into anyone I know on one hand in the thirty years I've lived in my area, but I swear the one time I'm shopping for underwear, poof, I run into someone I haven't seen in ten years. If you're shopping for granny panties like you normally do because they're more comfortable and don't ride up, you're mortified. But even more mortifying is the one time you want to try to be sexy and are looking for something a little risque. If you say it's for yourself, they'll laugh. If you say it's a gift for your niece you look like a strange aunt.
Speaking of underwear, I went into Victoria's Secret to shop for something sexy. Now first off, you don't want to try on panties unless they're over the ones you're wearing. Nothing spells sexy like a thong over granny panties. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. I have yet to officially try on a thong, 'cause like I said it's over the underwear you're wearing and I don't want to invest $25 for a 50 cent piece of material only to discover that the little piece in the back that goes up you know where gets hooked on a hemorrhoid or something.
They came out with these cute little lacy underwear, not sure what they're called, but they're bikini cut and come down a little over your thighs. I looked like sausage in casing. That lace was stretching as far as it could trying to work its way around my upper legs. I remember my grandmother always grabbing my thighs when I was a teenager when we wore our jeans that we had cut off sky high. When she grabbed that part of my anatomy she would say, "your moons are showing!" Yeah, that gave a gawky teenager confidence.
I have never been much of a shopper and am finding it more and more difficult to do so now. I know we need to get comfortable with our new physiques, but between trying to find a good fitting bra located next to the luggage that men are shopping for makes it embarrassing. I have yet to find a dress that makes me feel pretty or shoes that are attractive without making my calves cramp up.
There is one store I have discovered that I will admit is styled for women past forty and is very attractive, but the prices are so over the top I can't justify shopping there unless it's for my birthday or Christmas. Sigh. I know it's time to put down the fork and pick up the barbells, but until then can someone PLEASE put my department of clothing in the back corner of the store?
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